I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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