Need sex. Gaining weight.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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