hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
