I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
