Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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