dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
