Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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