420 ftw
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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