Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
