put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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