Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
