Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
