I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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