What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
