you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
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Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
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but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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