it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
