my soul wont recognize me after tonight
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
