is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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