I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
i out mim tonsoeep
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
