The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
pop tarts are not kleenex
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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