he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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