Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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