I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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