Your tits are I can't wait for
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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