I swear she didn't look like that last week.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
A+ Viking dick
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
