WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
