My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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