this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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