he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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