Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
