just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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