You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
