The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
