I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
there is puke in my bra ... again
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