So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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