i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
