There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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