I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
