so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
