my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
