By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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