i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
