spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
