When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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