dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
