GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize