you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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