dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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