I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
