i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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