A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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