She's never allowed to turn 21 again
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
