Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
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