I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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