god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
