Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
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i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
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The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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