I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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