We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
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Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
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What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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