i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Randomize
