he shaved USA in his pubs
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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