highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize