Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Randomize
