At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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