Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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