jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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