I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
