I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
