It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
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I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
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It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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