she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
